woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
