the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
