I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
