so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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