I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
