I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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