Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
