what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
