You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
