I murdered the dance floor call the cops
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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