Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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