pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
