just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
