last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
