she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
