alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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