There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
