We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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