it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
