Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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