she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
