***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
