Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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