What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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