I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
