Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
