The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
