They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
