In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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