As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
