just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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