Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
