Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
