if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
