The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
