The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
