so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
