I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
