Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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