At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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