we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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