yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
