i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
