Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
