oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
