babies were throwing up all over the place
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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