I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
