alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
