Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
