Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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