"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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