My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
