She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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